I have been doing some hard-core obsessing lately. Although it’s part of my personality to obsess over certain things from time to time, this has been an all-consuming obsess-fest that I’ve been experiencing for the last month or so.
I am turning 40 in about four months. This fact has not slipped my notice since that hot July day last year when I turned 39. I’ve been waiting for the big 4-0 like a child waits for a shot in the butt.
At first, I decided to fight it. I would bleach my hair blonde and cover up my salt and pepper gray hair. Okay….so I did that. Then, I decided blonde was just not for me, and I dyed my hair back to brown. This made my salt and pepper gray hair very angry. I now have to dye it every three weeks, or those angry gray hairs shine on my scalp like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Since dying my hair every three weeks with harsh chemicals is not the best for my health, I’ve decided to go with henna….which will drip down my face as I sweat in the Summer or if I happen to get caught in a sudden rainstorm. Oh, well…beauty is pain.
The next huge obsession for me was skin care. I bought about $200 worth of Oil of Olay products for my face, because I had a nightmare about the skin on my face dripping down into oozy pools of goop on my neck and shoulders. (As if that suddenly will happen to me when the clock strikes midnight on my 40th birthday.) Needless to say, the Olay products do not work. I still have some deep wrinkles on my forehead, and a few fine lines around my mouth. Well, I take that back…Olay DOES work….if you want to turn back the clock to the age of 14 and have the acne break-outs that go with it. I’ve never had acne before in my life, but thanks to Olay….I do now! Wrinkles AND acne!
Since those two obsessions failed and faded, I decided that if I can’t look any younger….then I should just invest in drawing attention AWAY from my aging face and hair: with JEWELRY! It was ALLLLL about jewelry for about two months. I watched QVC and JTV religiously and I even ordered myself a beautiful Diamonique ring (Cubic Zirconia – I can’t afford the real deal) and some beautiful silver pieces from Tiffany and Co. (I’m OBSESSED with Tiffany and Co….that will be an obsession forever). I got out my jewelry box and took inventory of the most sparkly things I own and decided I would make more of an effort to accessorize a little more.
While looking at myself in the mirror as I was trying on a few pairs of earrings, I noticed the deep wrinkle lines on my forehead. Angry at the wrinkles, the failed attempt to minimize them, and the fact that I’m still too young for Botox, I decided to give myself some bangs to “hide” my forehead wrinkles.
As I type this, I am draped in jewelry…covered in acne….and I have a set of bangs that Zooey Deschanel herself would love.
Getting older is hard, y’all.
I have four months to go until my 40th birthday. Considering that I don’t anticipate living until I’m 100…that 80 will probably be the oldest I can manage, considering my family history….I’m officially “middle aged” and that is not a title that I am ready to hold.
I suppose all of the obsessing I’ve been doing lately can be described as a mid-life crisis. I won’t go into the fact that I’ve also been obsessing over my younger days in high school and college, looking through old pictures and reminiscing with old friends. But, I have.
So, here I am….dreading my 40th birthday, but looking forward to it as well (oddly enough). I may not be a spring chicken any more….but I do know a little more about life and how to live it at my ripe “old” age. I’m more confident, determined and patient than I was in my teens and twenties. I still make terrible decisions, but NOTHING like the ones I made in my 30s (so far). But I’m still young. At least, my mind still feels young.
For the next few months, I will cling to the positive and try not to dwell as much on turning the big 4-0.
After all, age is just a number….right?
And I’m asking for hair extensions, jewelery, pink champagne and a smash cake for my birthday.
Is that wrong?